Thursday, March 31, 2022

The Christmas Invitation

Mick had been in Police work for 35 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. ‘Name’s Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00….’ ‘Great’, says Mick, ‘after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks Thank you.’ As Cliff is leaving, he stops. ‘Gotta warn you. Be some drinking’…’ ‘Not a problem’ says Mick. ‘After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of ‘em’. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. ‘More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fighting’ too...’ ‘Well, I get along with people, I’ll be all right!. I’ll be there. Thanks again.’ ‘More’n likely be some wild sex, too,’ ‘Now that’s really not a problem’ says Mick, warming to the idea. ‘I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?’ ‘Don’t much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.’

Wednesday, March 30, 2022

Next Year's Oscars Host


Gone fishing

 It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn’t take it any longer. “Son” he said, “I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?” The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.” “What was that?” the old man asked. Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.” “Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re saying sonny.” The boy spat the bait into his hand and said… “You have to keep the worms warm!”

Old leprechaun toilet paper holder

 

leprechaun, toilet paper, holder

Monday, March 28, 2022

New Category - Bumper Stickers







All Bumper Stickers featured here are for sale in my Geezer Shop. Have a look around, there are over 100 humorous bumper stickers for sale: Please visit my Cafe Press Geezer Shop: Click Here

Mansour Bahrami: Best Trick Shots & Funny Moments!


Mansour Bahrami is the most charismatic tennis player who has mastered the trick shots. His magic on a tennis court has made legendary players like John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg to regard him as "genius" and "legend", respectivelyIn reference to his showmanship, his 2009 English-language autobiography was titled The Court Jester.

Can't wait to get home

Booty Magazine

 

Born to be wild


Saturday, March 26, 2022

First time at the spa

Cartoon with permission and courtesy of Tim Whyatt

 

Where did you go?

"For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "That was a nice shot," I commented.

"It's my passport picture," she revealed.

"Really?" I stared in amazement at my homebody grandma. "Where did you go?"

"Walgreens," she replied."

Friday, March 25, 2022

Getting old isn't so bad...


 

Why doses the pig only have one leg?

A travelling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his sales pitch when his curiosity got the best of him. “Excuse me sir, but why does your pig only have one leg?” asked the salesman. “Well sonny, I’ll tell ya. One day I was out plowing the back 40 when my tractor overturned, pinning me underneath. I was losing blood and thought I would die when that pig came running. He dug and rooted around with his nose till he got me out and he dragged me back to the house. Saved my life that pig did.” “Wow, that’s really amazing,” said the salesman, “but I still don’t know why the pig only has one leg.” “Well, I’ll tell ya,” said the farmer. “One night me and the wife were asleep at about 3am when a fire broke out in the kitchen. Well that pig broke down the door, came into our bedroom waking us up and getting us out before the fire could get us, saved our lives that pig did!” “Well, that’s really great but why does the pig only have one leg?” “Well sonny, when you get a pig that smart, you don’t want to eat him all at once.

 

Thursday, March 24, 2022

I've got good news and bad news

An aging artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news for you," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?" With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The buyer was your doctor."

I'm still playing with a full deck...

old man, cards, full deck