New Pee Record

 

Target Practice

 

If lost return to Rita

 

Larry the Cable Guy

 

Floor's Wet

 

I'm up early

 

Grandpa could use a good cleaning

 

Senior Tattoo idea

Turning 80 and thinking about what tattoo to get? You might want to consider your name and address...

Senior Fly Catching Finalists

You look nice. Where did you go?

"For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "That was a nice shot," I commented.

"It's my passport picture," she revealed.

"Really?" I stared in amazement at my homebody grandma. "Where did you go?"

"Walmart, she replied." 

They misspelled my name

"After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone. “I thought you were a ghost,” says the relieved teen. “What are you doing working so late?” “Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man. “They misspelled my name!”

Grandpa finally finished the deck

 

Who would give a lecture at this time of night??

 

Must be accompanied by both parents

 

Amazingly simple home remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid agruments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily thought: Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the

stairs.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

Just a senior citizen monkey

Hitching a ride

Do it almost every night

Two senior citizens were bragging about their sex lives in the elderly homes. "Can you still do it? I have sex with my wife twice a week. How many can you do?" "Oh, I do it almost every night of the week!" "Almost every night?" "Yup! Almost Monday, Almost Tuesday, Almost Wednesday..." 

Be back shortly

Sorry haven’t been posting as much. Only be posting jokes, which I can do from my hospital bed on my cellphone. I know you miss the funny photos and graphics. Been in the hospital 4 days now with some health issues. I always said, once you’re over 60 the warranty is up. That’s when everything starts going wrong. Say a little prayer for me folks.