Lately my wife and I fight constantly. I've been so upset and depressed, I've lost 20 pounds. My friend said to me "Arthur, if it's that bad, why don't you leave her?" I told him "I'd like to lose another 15 pounds first."
I'm sitting at the breakfast table this morning when my wife says to me "I finally realized something... for years I've been saying, I'm not a morning person. Then I realized it has nothing to do with morning. It's you Arthur!"
My wife looked at me the other day and said, "You're getting fat Arthur!" I told her I'd like to get a second opinion. She said, "Step on the scale."
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