Saturday, April 2, 2022
How can I get into heaven?
What are Grandparents?
Friday, April 1, 2022
Size 34 underwear
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit.. it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years. Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
Thursday, March 31, 2022
The Christmas Invitation
Mick had been in Police work for 35 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. ‘Name’s Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00….’ ‘Great’, says Mick, ‘after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks Thank you.’ As Cliff is leaving, he stops. ‘Gotta warn you. Be some drinking’…’ ‘Not a problem’ says Mick. ‘After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of ‘em’. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. ‘More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fighting’ too...’ ‘Well, I get along with people, I’ll be all right!. I’ll be there. Thanks again.’ ‘More’n likely be some wild sex, too,’ ‘Now that’s really not a problem’ says Mick, warming to the idea. ‘I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?’ ‘Don’t much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.’
Wednesday, March 30, 2022
Gone fishing
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn’t take it any longer. “Son” he said, “I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?” The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.” “What was that?” the old man asked. Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.” “Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re saying sonny.” The boy spat the bait into his hand and said… “You have to keep the worms warm!”
Tuesday, March 29, 2022
Monday, March 28, 2022
New Category - Bumper Stickers
All Bumper Stickers featured here are for sale in my Geezer Shop. Have a look around, there are over 100 humorous bumper stickers for sale: Please visit my Cafe Press Geezer Shop: Click Here
Mansour Bahrami: Best Trick Shots & Funny Moments!
Sunday, March 27, 2022
Saturday, March 26, 2022
Where did you go?
"For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "That was a nice shot," I commented.
"It's my passport picture," she revealed."Really?" I stared in amazement at my homebody grandma. "Where did you go?"
"Walgreens," she replied."